The Rules:
Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you.
At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged.
You have to tag the person who tagged you.
WHAT WAS YOUR
1. last beverage: Arnold Palmer
2. last phone call: Seth
3. last text message: Gary for poker
4. last song you listened to: Dream Warriors
5. last time you cried: July 31
HAVE YOU EVER
6. dated someone twice: Dated someone 20 times
7. been cheated on: Hell yes, see above
8. kissed someone & regretted it: Not really. Immediately afterward I might have, but in the long run every kiss is worth remembering.
9. lost someone special: Yes
10. been depressed: More than I've earned
11. been drunk and threw up: Yes, but not in almost 20 years
LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Red
13. Black
14. Grey
THIS YEAR (2009) HAVE YOU
15. Made a new friend: Yes
16. Fallen out of love: No
17. Laughed until you cried: Yes
18. Met someone who changed you: Yes
19. Found out who your true friends were: That sounds cataclysmic. I don't have friends who aren't true friends. They're called business associates.
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Everybody talks about me. I'm cool like dat.
21. Been to a concert?: Going to a concert Saturday. Ozzy, baby. Also saw Gym Class Heroes at the RC Skate thing.
GENERAL
22. How many people on your fb friends list do you know in real life: Probably about half.
24. Do you have any pets: Just lost my fat buddy.
25. Do you want to change your name: Yes. I'd like you to call me Matthew McCounaghey.
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Ate tons.
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Recovering from packing for our move and watching Isolation with Bill. Horror movie about a mutated cow's fetus' fetus. Yes.
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Tron Legacy.
30. Last time you saw your Mother: 1992
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I'd like to think more clearly. Oh, and I'd like to look like Matthew McCounaghey. Then you could smirk and mock me while I play the bongos and smoke my money away.
32. What are you listening to right now: South Park.
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: That dude on MySpace. I told him I would not be his friend.
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: Lack of clarity.
35. Most visited webpage: AICN or WoW.com
37. Current best friend: Sophie
38. Relationship Status: Married
39. Zodiac sign: Leo
40. He or She? Is this a question?
41. Elementary?: Lamberton
42. Middle School: Lamberton
43. High School/College: Lamberton/Ithaca College/UCLA
44. Hair color: Brown. Well, rapidly flesh colored...
45. Long or short: Dude who wrote this quiz seems to have run out of the passion for it. He started out asking clear, introspective questions, and has now reduced it to one-word barks that aren't even clear. First there was "Elementary?:", as if "?:" is the way to ask a question. Now he's offering me a multiple choice question with two adjectives and no noun. I'm going to assume from context he's asking me about my hair, and respond with, "This is Facebook, bitch. Look at my picture."
46. Height: 6' 4"
47. Do you have a crush on someone? Lynda Carter eternally.
48: What do you like about yourself? Wow, doesn't everyone want to know the answer to this? Let me think... I cook a mean Boughl Sauce.
49. Piercings: Don't believe in them. I don't take voluntary needles. And if you do, we have a fundamental difference in our outlook. For the cheap seats: Pain=bad.
50. Tattoos: See above. Plus... have you seen what tattoos look like on old, flabby skin? Someday you're gonna be playing shuffleboard or Bridge in an old-age home, and you're gonna shit yourself, and when the hot young nurse comes to change your diaper she's going to see your pierced penis and your "Mom" tattoo just above your pube line, and there's not going to be any recourse. That's one more hot nurse you'll never bed. And by then, you'll really, REALLY need it.
51. Righty or lefty: Dude, get off your fat ass and bother with a noun. I'm righty. Lefties, as I've said before, are poopyheads and they bump my arm at the dinner table. Except Lisa DiFilippo. She just bumps my arm at the dinner table.
FIRSTS
52. First surgery: Hernia ON my 16th birthday. You got to drive. I got anasthesia. Almost set my hair on fire eating my birthday cake with a still-burning candle while still hopped up on pain meds. Why? Because you asked!
53. First piercing: Now what I want you to do, my man, is take that sharp ass needle and then shove it through my skin. Then, while I'm blacking out from the pain, take that other steel object and shove it THROUGH the wound. Why? So that I can have some stupid thing dangle from my ear or belly. Yeah. Not so Hughish.
54. First best friend: Todd Kessler
55. First sport you joined: I have never "joined" a sport. I have joined magnets, clubs and online chat rooms. The first sport I played on a team was the Bat Busters, and I already unfolded that legend in a previous list. I don't think I was so antagonistic toward the writer of that list, but that dude had a far better command of the language.
56. First vacation: I think it was Disneyland/Epcot Center/Gatorland/Donkey Kong machine in the hotel in 1981. "Best vacation" would have been a better question. I think that would be all the same places in 1992.
58. First pair of trainers: The fuck? You asking about my undies, dude?
RIGHT NOW
59. Eating: I don't eat on my computer. Unlike my beautiful wife. Which is why her computer looks like a grade school cafeteria.
60. Drinking: Well, now I'm thirsty.
61. I'm about to: Go to sleep, so I can wake up and hear all about the World of WarCraft expansion and continue to not acknowledge you judging me.
62. Listening to: The fuck, dude?? You already asked this question! I'm about to go all Perez Hilton on this guy and videotape a crying rebuttal from my bed!
63. Waiting for: That hot nurse to change my diaper after Shuffleboard. Everything else seems like just filler.
YOUR FUTURE
64. Want kids?: Yo, bro... this "?:" shit ain't gonna work for me, because I've totally completed second grade. Plus, I've got a kid. And I want her, thanks. You can't have her. She's too damn good for you. And her grammar is better.
65. Get Married?: No thanks, I'm already married.
66. Career?: It's fantastic. I've been nominated for an Emmy and still haven't broken in.
WHICH IS BETTER
67. Lips or eyes? All the ladies say lips!
68. Hugs or kisses: To get or to give? One more fucking word and your question would have been clear. Just a fucking noun, bro. Or a modifier, I don't know-- don't try to quiz me about the parts of speech, I don't know what they're called I just know where they fucking belong. Anyway, I'll take a kiss from my best friend or my dog. If it's Lynda Carter, I'd like to hug her. Over and over. And over.
69. Shorter or taller: Who? What? What are you trying to ask me, bro? Throw me a bone here. Make your mark. Use your words. I'm gonna guess... taller. 'Cause it makes as much sense as anything else. And I'm taller than almost everyone.
70. Older or Younger: Based on the fact that I bowled Saturday night and the next morning it felt like I had played football, I'll say younger.
71. Romantic or spontaneous: As if they're mutually exclusive? In fact, aren't they generally synonymous? Let me ask you a question, bud: Remoulade or taxes? Television or grape juice? Amsterdam or mustard?
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomach. Sigh.
73. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive. So that I can crush them.
74. Hook-up or relationship: In retrospect, hook up. In the moment, relationship. That's why my young adulthood was so damn miserable.
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Angioplasty or Guns N' Roses?
HAVE YOU EVER
76. Kissed a stranger: Yes
77. Drank hard liquor: Yes (to both of the above: I went to college)
78. Lost glasses/contacts: No. But I've broken them plenty.
79. Sex on first date: More or less
80. Broken someone's heart : Mmm... not sure. I think so, but I'm a fucking poopy head.
81. Had your own heart broken: Hell. Yes. More like shattered into a thousand pieces, then put back together with shitty-ass scotch tape only to be smelted into a bullet and shot point-blank at a cement wall. Then peeled out, analyzed, scraped for evidence, discarded into a recycle bin, melted down again, turned into a knife, used to cut through cans on TV until it was dull, then shoved through someone else's heart and broken in their cold, dead body. Did you ask me a question?
82. Been arrested: Yes.
83. Turned someone down: Yes. But I didn't even realize they were asking.
84. Cried when someone died: Oy. Too much.
85. Fallen for a friend? That's called "The Hugh." I own that move. Though sometimes they fell for me, too. That was a nice surprise.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN
86. Yourself: Sure! I'm fucking funny, man. More than I believe in you, anyway, you stupid fucking quiz writer.
87. Miracles: If they're in the shape of burritos, yes. If they're in the form of rivers splitting, no. If you combine those two ideas, you could get the Wonder Twins. Who, by the way, could write a better quiz.
88. Love at first sight: If she's wearing a Wonder Woman costume, it's kinda inevitable.
89. Heaven: That'd be nice. Seems like a bizarre concept, but sure. I wouldn't pay anyone who dangled it in front of me, though.
90. Santa Claus: Yes. That dude is totally real, are you kidding me? How else could I get presents on Christmas?
91. Kiss on the first date: If it's a good one, then hell yeah.
92. Angels: Only the ones hired by Charlie.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
93. Had more than one bf/gf?: The fuck? Was this quiz written for 11 year-olds?
94.
This is fucking fantastic. There's just no question 94. Dude was like, "Mmm... I can't think of anything." Motherfucker got me this far and then just skipped a question. First he gave up on complete sentences, then he stopped using nouns, then he threw rational concepts out the window, and now he's just AWOL. This is EXACTLY how people lose faith in humanity. Guys like this are gonna grow up and wait on you at In-'N-Out, and you're gonna say "Can I get my fries well done?" and he's gonna nod at you dumbly, and not touch the register, and you're just GONNA FUCKING KNOW your fries ain't gonna be well done and there's NOTHING YOU CAN FUCKING DO ABOUT IT. Goddammit I hate people.
95. Did you sing today? No. Shit head.
96. Ever cheated on somebody? Yeah, but she cheated on me 3,000 times first. No, that's hyperbole. Technically it was only 2,998 times, but those other two still count because I was in love with her and she knew it. Yes, it was 20 years ago, but STILL!!!
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go, and why? I would wrestle with dinosaurs, for two reasons: It would prove I'm a real man, and, more importantly, because then I could tell Gary I've wrestled dinosaurs, and he could never argue with me ever again.
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be: Last year? What did I do last year? I'm gonna go with December 23rd. One of the best days I've ever spent with my wonderful wife, and the last calm one until... well, maybe ever.
99. Are you afraid of falling in love?: People have said I am. People have screamed it at me. I'm more afraid this fucking quiz will never end, and this fuckbrain will merge question marks and colons so many times that it starts to look right to me.
100. Posting this as 100 truths?: I'd prefer to kick your ass 100 times, but in lieu of that, sure.
Meatballs or Winnebagos?
Dan Milano Possibly one of the best of these pointless little exercises that I have ever seen, simply because with each answer, Hugh slowly grows more resentment for the author of the quiz until he finally explodes with a brilliant hugh-gasm of enraged rhetoric. God I love this man.August 21, 2009 at 10:12am
Lisa DiFilippo I just read this and i'm soooo glad i'm not a poopyhead. I needed that today, trust me, it's been one of dem days where I felt like a poopyhead :)
August 21, 2009 at 8:10pm
Hugh B. Sterbakov It was Angioplasty or Guns N Roses. Amsterdam or mustard. Just sayin'.
October 14, 2009 at 2:00am
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