UPDATE: The contest is over. Thanks to everyone who entered!
My cousin Jill is running a half Ironman race on October 2, 2011, as a member of team DetermiNation, whose function is to raise money for the American Cancer Society.
Personally, I decided she was off her rocker before I even looked up what a half Ironman race was--and now I'm quite certain that she's certifiably batshit. Follow me here: it's a 1.2 mile swim...I can't remember the last time I even walked 1.2 miles...followed by a whatthefuck 56 mile bike ride...and then (then!) a 13.1 mile run. I don't get this way of life at all, folks--I have a policy not to run unless someone is chasing me, and even then I'll likely take breaks every fifty feet or so to try and negotiate or set-up overnight camp. But Jill is my cousin, and I guess...well, she's my cousin. Beyond that, I can't vouch for her sanity.
She does have a legitimate cause for this sadism, though. Her sister Michelle (Cousin Shelley to me) has been battling breast cancer for three years. It looked like she'd beaten it, but this summer we found out it's back, and it has spread. The whole Sterbaclan is in this fight with Shelley, and we'd appreciate your prayers.
But we'd rather have your money!
And check this out--I happen to have a really spiffy action figure burning a hole in my metaphorical pocket.
It was constructed by the esteemed Robot Chicken puppeteers. This isn't a particularly special figure--in fact, it was a castaway that I brought along on my toy hunts to compare scale. But he's pretty darn cool. I mean, as you can see, he's wearing a dapper suit. And you can get him naked to see how the geniuses (geniuii?) in the RC toy department use wire amatures to mimic Mego-style 10" figures. Or you can just get him naked. It's your thing. Do whatcha wanna do.
So here's how we exchange idols for whips: You pledge at least $10 to Jill's cause and you'll automatically be entered in a sweepstakes to win this action figure (don't call it a doll!). Enter as many times as you'd like, under as many names as you'd like. Cheat your ass off, 'cause cancer doesn't play fair, either. Make sure to mention that I sent you, so we know to put your name in the hat for the prize.
You can enter right up until Jill beats my personal swimming record of approximately 125 feet. That'd be October 2nd.
Thanks for the consideration, the prayers and the dough. I hope you win, and we all hope Shelley wins.
Oh, and it'd be really nice if Jill survives this cockamamie race, too.
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